You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
