Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
