Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
