im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
