He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
