my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
