I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
