I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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