You're completely useless in the revolution.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm too high and old for this...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
