Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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