and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
