so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
