There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
try to milk me bitch
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
