i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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