Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
