Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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