Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
