Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
