a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
