opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
