I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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