we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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