Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
