But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
