I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
