Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
