So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
