Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
