Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
