It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
