I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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