do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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