guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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