She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
