Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
