i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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