I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
