Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
