who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
