I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
