fuck your aforementioned shoe
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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