One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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