I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
