Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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