just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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