so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
