I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
