there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
