dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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