Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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