careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
