she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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