I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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